Blog Post #104 - Maintaining a Positive Lifestyle

         So, we’ve talked about ridding your life of negative things, building positives into your life, and now, we’re gonna investigate how to live a positive lifestyle LONG-TERM.  This is one of the healthiest choices you’ll ever make, one of the most influential, as well as being far-reaching, and giving you a wonderful future to look forward to. If you are serious and sincere about developing and keeping a positive perspective, you MAY run into folks who will desperately try to pull you back to your “negative roots” but you will find many, many more people who will support, encourage, and appreciate you from your new environment. Here are a few more affirming behaviors you should attempt to cultivate; my next Post will finish up our “Positive” theme. You’ve got nothing to lose except a long, sad face. Your new SMILING face will draw appreciation, allow you to help others, and open you up to opportunities you never dreamed possible. Give these a whirl and let me know what you think:

·      Be a Blessing to Those Around You -  Okay, before you completely blow me off, and close your computer, let me explain. OBVIOUSLY, you’re not going to “get along” with or enjoy EVERY person you meet, and you may even have a real problem with a few people. But I have a solution. BLESS THOSE PEOPLE! One of my Mother’s favorite sayings was “Bless His/Her Heart!” Well, this is along those lines. A dear pastor friend of mine shared this with me YEARS ago. When someone is really bugging you, even a family member, say “Bless___(Name)___ and Change Me”. You heard me correctly. I am NOT always right! Yes, I will admit this even to my husband and my kids. I make mistakes! If I make mistakes, then I have to assume it’s possible that every other person LIVING makes mistakes, too. Fair observation? I think so. Therefore, if I’m not perfect, and they’re not perfect, maybe what I need when I don’t like somebody is NOT for THEM to necessarily change but for ME to change. Take it from me, it is COMPLETELY worth it. You get to walk away without losing your cool, and I open myself up to the possibility of an adventure by changing my own perspective to see someone else’s. This gives ME a chance to grow, keeps peace in the circumstances, and provides an opportunity for me to be a POSITIVE bridge builder. A few more ideas to help add positivity and value to others are:

1.    Listen to People – So many people DON’T listen to others when those people are trying to communicate. They text or look around while you are talking; they appear bored and completely uninterested, yawning or looking down at their feet. That REALLY sucks! Everyone longs to be taken seriously, to be heard, and to be important and contributing to the world. One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is simply to listen while they are talking. This shows respect and communicates humility, and a concern for other people rather than just yourself.

2.   Lift the Mood Around You - This might be something as simple as smiling at people around you. Be encouraging to people you encounter throughout your day. If it’s appropriate, hug people. Sometimes, you can do something as simple as stepping on an elevator and saying, “Isn’t it beautiful outside today?” Again, if you see an older person, tell them they look pretty or if it’s a man wearing a cap from the Armed Services, thank him for his service to our Country. The slightest little something can completely turn around another person’s life, AND it doesn’t cost you ANYTHING!

3.   Help Someone – This doesn’t have to be a MAJOR, time-consuming production; it just needs to be a little something to lift that person’s day like grabbing a high can in the grocery store or lifting something heavy into or out of a shopping cart. You can give someone a ride somewhere or drag your neighbor’s trash can out to the street. These are simple and quick, but they are also powerfully kind and selfless.

4.   Support a Friend or Local Charity Event – So many of us, in fact, probably MOST of us don’t step out of our comfort zone or consistently do ANYTHING specifically for other people. However, we can pretty easily demonstrate our support, our affection, and our dedication to other things or people by going even slightly out of that comfort zone. Go to hear a friend’s band play, support and participate in a local recycling program, and/or visit the nearest senior living facility and just spend a few minutes chatting to some of the residents. Again, these suggestions don’t require a lot of time or effort but they DO make a HUGE difference in other people’s lives, and ULTIMATELY, they show that we aren’t completely self-absorbed or conceited, and that we care deeply for our community AND the people living in it.

·      Control Your Reactions – Do you have a nasty temper, a tendency toward being defensive, or even have a bit of a “woe is me” attitude? Are people afraid to tell you things for fear of your reactions? I know a guy who, bless his heart, always says something like, “Of course! It’s just my bad luck. I am the most unlucky person in the world.” Sorry, but every single person has rough things happen to them. NOBODY gets the top prize EVERY time, and NO ONE loses EVERY TIME. BUT if you have a tendency to internalize tough things, it may come off negatively to others. Unfortunately, a person with that kind of a negative attitude is often unpleasant to be around. If you sometimes find yourself “losing it” in public or even in a workplace environment, maybe it’s time to work on those reactions, for yourself AND for others. I’m NOT saying you need to STIFLE your emotions; I AM suggesting that you learn to “temper” your temper. Maybe follow my “Count to Ten and Do It Again” exercise. Even if you are being DIRECTLY, verbally attacked, having an OVERT, negative response only serves to exacerbate the problem. If you can “catch” yourself, take a deep breath, and then, calmly and quietly share your feelings, you are MUCH more apt to receive positive support in return. As I said, everyone experiences challenges now and again, but if you can “Manage” your responses, you will notice that many more people will rally around you to offer support and encouragement. If YOUR reaction is more violent, or louder, or more alarming than the original report or problem, no one knows WHAT or HOW to react, and they tend to cower in the dark. On the other hand, if you show vulnerability or even engage other people by asking something like, “Did you hear that? Or Can you believe that happened?”, you are much more likely to illicit support and reassuring pats on the back than if you “Blew Up” or “Cursed Them Out”. If your reaction is overtly negative, that makes two negatives, and, I can assure you, two negatives do NOT make a positive. You are WAY more likely to gain friendly help and support if YOU have first been friendly and supportive. My Mother and Thumper from “Bambi” always say, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and I can’t think of a better, more constructive piece of advice to share with you.

·      Learn From Past Mistakes – You’ve made mistakes in the past, and let’s face it since we’re human, you’ll probably make a few more in the future. However, negative “bumps” in the road can, at least, be opportunities to learn, so that they aren’t COMPLETELY without merit. I remember each of my kids learning to walk. I don’t know HOW MANY times they fell onto those precious little bums before THEY DIDN’T FALL ANYMORE. It took a WHILE but it DIDN’T take forever. Each time they fell was not a complete failure; it was just one more lesson in what NOT to do until they figured out what WORKS. That should be your GOAL with becoming more positive. You may react negatively a couple of times; you may even embarrass yourself a time or two BUT if you can USE those foibles as LESSONS, all is not lost. You need to figure out what “triggers” your negativity, what sets you off. Maybe you have to be extra careful when you’re tired; maybe you’re a little hypoglycemic, so you need to keep some crackers in your bag or briefcase; or hey, maybe you don’t like being questioned about something you feel strongly about. Once you’ve isolated a few of your “negative reactions”, you can learn WHY they happened, and then, how to TRAIN yourself to “dodge” those “negative bullets” in the future. You want to control your actions rather than letting your actions control you!

·      Note Negative Snafus; Log Positive Performances; and Practice Positivity – So, we’ve just talked about learning from your negative mistakes but I suggest a great way to be able to do that is by WRITING DOWN what happened. Then, you can talk about WHY you think it happened; what had occurred previously in your day to contribute to your negative reaction. What could you do in the future to PREVENT a recurrence of this reaction? I actually think when you’re SERIOUS about making a lifestyle change, it’s a really good idea to keep a Journal of sorts. That way, everything you’re working on, good and bad, is all in the same place. You can WORK ON negative challenges but you can also CELEBRATE positive victories! That brings me to step two, “Logging your positive performances”. ESPECIALLY when you’re starting this lifestyle change, you NEED to keep track of every one of your successes; it’s an excellent confidence builder, and you need those! Then, lastly, PRACTICE POSITIVITY. That probably sounds a bit lame; you’re not perfecting “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” for your piano recital. However, what you HAVE to understand is that THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT than almost anything else you’ve tried to learn up this point. Altering your perspective from a negative one to a positive one is going to lower your blood pressure, make your age more slowly, improve your relationships, and make you a, generally, happier individual. It’s that great! You DESERVE to be live a positive life but to get there WILL require practice! Remember, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!

·      Look for the ‘Silver Lining’ and Reinforce Positivity in Yourself – Please notice I did NOT say “There is ALWAYS a ‘Silver Lining.’” I said LOOK for the Silver Lining; ‘LOOK’ is a verb! That means that you have to take an ACTIVE role in FINDING and MAINTAINING the POSITIVES in a given situation. If your tendency is to see and feel things negatively, it’s going to take time and PRACTICE to begin to see positive things but IT WILL HAPPEN; you just have to KEEP LOOKING FOR THOSE WONDERFUL THINGS! Once you CAN see positives, ACKNOWLEDGE THEM! CELEBRATE noticing them but, in particular, CELEBRATE EACH AND EVERY TIME you notice a positive in YOURSELF! Write it down; “Treat Yo’ Self” to something special; or share your success with someone else! Doing ONE positive thing is good but when you begin to REGULARLY  PERFORM POSITIVELY, THAT’S A LIFESTYLE CHANGE, and THAT is WORTH COMMEMORATING BIG TIME! Maybe you’re in the habit of complaining about the traffic on your drive in to work but two or three days in a row, you, NOT ONLY, DON’T complain, YOU comment on how beautiful the weather was or how great the fresh air felt on your face instead of just focusing on complaining. Those are wonderfully, POSITIVE, long-term, attitude-shifting practices that can alter your entire life FOR THE BETTER!

·      Take Things Slowly – You’ve probably heard the expression, “Rome wasn’t build in a day.” No, it wasn’t, but if you work on changing your negatives to positives, soon you’ll find that that slow but consistent PRACTICE of doing random acts of kindness have now become positive HABITS that now characterize your life. If you think of your “Elephant” as a big Blob of Negativity, all you have to do is start working ONE BITE AT A TIME. Slowly but surely, one bite at a time, your “elephant” is going to disappear. No longer will your life be filled with negative habits and derogatory reactions. Your day will be slowly but certainly brightened and lightened by affirming ideas, uplifting pursuits, and positive performances.

·      Practice Thankfulness – Start out by TRYING one day to be thankful/grateful for EACH AND EVERY BIG OR SMALL THING IN YOUR DAY. I’m not making this up, and I’m not exaggerating. Start when you first wake up. Be grateful for each breath; be thankful for your bed, your wife or husband and your kids or friends or parents or relatives; express thanks for the comfortable clothes you have and/or the variety of clothes in your closet; thank God that you don’t have to get up too early OR that you GET to get up early; be thankful for your car or your dance classes or Hey, YOUR VOICE. I hope you’re getting an inkling of what I meant when I said to be grateful for EVERYTHING that takes place throughout your day. My Daddy is in his nineties. He’s blind with terrible arthritis and a bad right knee, so you’d better believe that every time I get off the phone with him, I’m thankful that I can still SEE, and that I’m able to walk! We take SO many things for granted. I GUARANTEE that if you begin packing your days with thanksgiving, you’re going to revolutionize your existence with positivity! Gratitude is SO incredibly contagious, too. You will find yourself extremely blessed simply to be walking around, and performing routine, daily activities. Make a habit of being thankful, and soon you’ll begin to notice that your overall attitude and outlook towards life is shifting positively, as well!

Thanks for reading all these suggestions! I know there are a lot of ideas in these last three posts, and changing your perspective takes a great deal of focus, determination, time, and effort. However, I also guarantee that the PAYOFF for all this work is ABSOLUTELY going to be worth EVERY ounce of effort invested. If you have any questions about my lessons or about me, please check out my website at www.SingitForward.net. If you have ANY questions or comments for me, PLEASE leave them below; I appreciate all your words, and promise to get back to you right away. If I don’t know an answer for you, I promise to find one and communicate back to you very shortly. Thank you again; you are a treasured resource to me, and I sincerely hope you enjoy each of these posts. Send me any further suggestions for topics, too. Till next time…Sing it Forward!