Blog Post #105 - Prioritizing Positivity in Your Daily Life

 

  “A pessimist sees the difficult in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty,” (Winston Churchill).

         This Blog Post completes my suggestions for Prioritizing Positivity in Your Daily Life. If you haven’t had a chance, please be sure to read and/or print out Blog Posts #100 through #105, or the last SIX posts, including this one. I understand these posts may seem a little “Cheesy” or “Utopian” but I ASSURE you I wouldn’t waste my time if I didn’t believe that this is CRITICALLY IMPORTANT to a strong performance mentality, whether playing piano, singing, acting, dancing, speaking, or simply, living. You probably won’t succeed in viewing EVERY situation or person with a Positive Perspective but if your GOAL is to positively affect everything and every person, you’ll almost certainly be successful MOST of the time, and THAT success can have an incredibly powerful effect on your overall product (performance, outlook, or personality). If you really struggle with negativity, and you’d like some more specific examples or you’d like for me to help hold you accountable, please just contact me. This is an “investment” I will gladly provide free of charge, essentially 24 hours a day (I don’t sleep much). Check out these last few suggestions, and follow the example of one of my favorite historic figures, Sir Winston Churchill (above). If you don’t experience a MARKED improvement in your mood, your interactions with other people, your performances, and yes, even your sleep, I’ll “eat my hat”, so to speak. I believe in the “Power of Positives” THAT much! Give these a go!

·      Make the CHOICE to Be Positive and Believe That Makes a Difference – MOST “Glass is Half Empty” (Negative) people believe that things or people “beyond their control” are responsible for all the bad and negative things that happen to them; being negative about life is not THEIR fault, it’s bad luck, their parents or their boss or the wrong circumstances. This is very similar to when someone says, “YOU made me feel…like I was the bad guy in the situation, or sad, or stupid, and on and on. In truth, NO ONE or NO THING can MAKE you feel one way or another; YOU have to CHOOSE to blame yourself, or to feel insufficient or WHATEVER. Even in MOST abusive situations, YOU have to CHOOSE to stay or to take all the mental anguish that’s being dumped on you. What you FEEL and how you REACT to situations are CHOICES! Granted, this can be extremely difficult to adjust to BUT you CAN be successful; you CAN CHOOSE NOT to believe everything you are accused of by a tyrannical “friend” or relative. You CAN CHOOSE to be a POSITIVE individual, EVEN IN THE MOST NEGATIVE CIRCUMSTANCES. First, stop playing the BLAME GAME. In other words, cease your previous tendency to blame someone else or something else for a position you find yourself in, and instead, look for the lessons you can learn or the thing you can eliminate as a solution to the problem you’re trying to solve. You need to be an adult or ACT like an adult, recognizing that everything doesn’t always happen the way WE think it should but if we keep working, continue trying, soon the result will be a positive one. It’s also a REAL sign of growth and maturity to realize YOU can control your attitude, AND sometimes reacting positively to a negative result will even reflect so positively on you as a person that the people in charge of the overall situation will look more favorably on you going forward. You should CELEBRATE every time you successfully control negative responses because you feel better physically and emotionally, AND people are WAY more attracted to positive people than negative ones. Being constantly negative is often a sign of selfishness, sadly, because it’s a way of drawing attention to yourself, albeit NEGATIVE attention. Honestly though, is that how you WANT to be remembered, as the person who always “poor mouths” everything? NO, everyone would be happier and more satisfied with being considered a leader, “such a great guy/woman”, and “always such a positive influence on everything and everybody.” TRY this. The next time you don’t get chosen for something, instead of saying, “of course, I have the WORSE luck”; say, “I’m glad to know these guys are so particular about who they hire; I want to be THAT kind of person.” YOU will feel better, and I GUARANTEE you that the other people hanging around will have nothing but good things to say about you so that the NEXT time they are looking to choose someone or to hire, YOU will be the first person they think of. Make yourself memorable in a POSITIVE way! That way, everyone keeps the most favorable opinion of you, and YOU feel great about yourself.

·      “Accentuate” the Positive (as Baloo sings in “The Jungle Book”) –    “You’ve got to accentuate the positive

Eliminate the negative

And latch on to the affirmative

Don’t mess with Mister In-Between”

Those are pretty profound words for a dancing bear! My children watched that movie over and over, though, and I’m so grateful they did because they STILL remember the lyrics to this day. That’s a powerful lesson for us to learn as parents; those “innocent” cartoon films our children love ARE leaving lasting impressions. In THIS case, that’s a very good thing; we could ALL benefit from remembering these lyrics and taking them to heart. No matter WHAT you do, LIFE WILL STILL SERVE UP NEGATIVE STUFF FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH. The only way to live, then, is to decide that you CAN “accentuate the positive” and “eliminate the negative”. Years ago, I was an active singing, dancing performer. One night, right after a performance, (I hadn’t even taken off my makeup or my fishnets) I was EXHAUSTED and fried but my car didn’t seem to care. Driving in the fast lane, I heard a ”thunk”, smoke crowded out my view from under my hood, and through that turbulent maelstrom, I tried, desperately, to guide my little, limping Volkswagen across multiple lanes to the safety of the shoulder. I’m not certain when my car just QUIT but, thankfully, I did succeed in reaching the shoulder away from traffic. It was almost 2 AM. I was dressed in a short, velvet dress, “Character” shoes for stage dancing, fishnet stockings, and heavy stage makeup; I was NOT dressed for strolling alone up a freeway off-ramp in the middle of the night, praying for a tow truck. For me, THIS was a VERY negative situation! I was already tired, looked like a “streetwalker” but I HAD to walk to get help. So, I started laughing. I mean really, what else COULD I do? The whole thing was SO ridiculous. I’ve lived in Los Angeles for about 30 years now but film makers have never come up with anything any crazier than that situation that night. So yes, I laughed, and, thankfully, a Metro Area Police cruiser “pulled me over.” I’m not quite sure what they ORIGINALLY thought but once they heard my explanation, they couldn’t have been nicer. They called a tow truck, and actually, had a cruiser from my local “precinct” come, pick me up, and take me directly to my door. You’re probably thinking that bad things don’t always have happy endings, and you’re correct BUT many times OUR reactions can determine the course of the next step. I wouldn’t have solved my problem any faster or easier if I had freaked out and gotten upset; the situation might have been misinterpreted by those policemen, and ended very differently. Reacting positively, ACCENTUATING THE POSITIVE, OVER the negative, allows you perspective, and an opportunity to step back and make a plan. We need to study those “Jungle Book” lyrics and follow their instructions:

1.   Assert a positive attitude through your words, your gestures, your facial expressions, AND, your actions. Choose encouraging, affirming words such as ‘strengthen’, ‘stimulate’, and ‘inspire’. This is much easier to do than you might think.

2.   Get rid of and ELIMINATE from your mind negative thoughts, reflexes, reactions, or feelings that WON’T CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING to the circumstances; they only bring you and all the surroundings DOWN.

3.   Remember and repeat to yourself POSITIVE TRUTHS you KNOW to be fact about yourself, your talent, your work, or whatever is immediately threatened. If you’ve worked with me, I’ve probably given you a handout I made called “25 Things I Love About Myself”. This is NOT a tool meant to inflate your ego; it’s not a way for you to “show off”; it IS a sheet, a list of things that you KNOW or, at least, you FEEL are TRUE. Maybe you like that you are a kind person or that you are good with animals and little kids, or maybe you love your hair or your smile. Again, this is NOT about ego; it’s about strengthening yourself with TRUTH. If you are loved by someone, you should appreciate that, and be able to count on that love, and so, be thankful for it. When negative things try to knock you down, YOU NEED TO REMEMBER THOSE TRUE THINGS TO KEEP YOU STANDING TALL!

4.   Make up your mind to be and STAY positive; don’t vacillate between being negative sometimes, and positive others. If you’re struggling, it’s okay. So, STEP BACK and breathe until you can find your positive footing again. Positive is where you want to stay!

5.   My precious Mother told me this saying hundreds of times. “Can’t never could and never will be able to; CAN always wins!” I couldn’t say it better. There is ALWAYS a way to find a positive perspective. It may take you a little while, and you may need to ask for help occasionally, but you and the world will be a better place for it. “CAN always wins!”

·      Utilize Positive Word Choices and Quotes to Encourage Yourself – One of my earliest posts from last year was filled with Positive Quotations. I have some favorites, and I have some heroes I look up to. Life is NOT one long happy ending. I get it, I promise you. However, with a few encouraging quotes, and some new vocabulary, you can move much farther down the road to success. Visit my music studio, and you’ll see MANY inspiring, motivating quotations on the walls. Remove negative word choices from your vocabulary. Words like: can’t; never; hopeless; bad luck; yeah, but; and NO, need to be replaced by more affirming, life-giving conversation like: can; hopeful; yes; and absolutely. If your tendency is to automatically say, “No!” to requests, try taking a breath before you answer, and then say, “Sure, we can try that,” or something similar. Look for and use words that BUILD UP, that add STRENGTH, and that project POSSIBILITY. Practice affirming YOURSELF, especially if you struggle with your self-image. If you need to say a few lines over and over to start your day, and to redirect it, SAY THEM! You won’t always have to but your investment now will lead to a great, productive future. “I deserve to work out because I deserve to be healthy”, OR “I deserve to take a day off because I am not a robot.” Inject as much positivity into your day as possible. In elementary school, many of us had to write “Standards” as “disciplinary actions”. What I’m proposing is sort of the OPPOSITE of “Standards.” You COULD write 500, “I deserve the best…I deserve the best…I deserve the best…etc.” You could say it or sing it a bunch of times but the POINT is to FLOOD your consciousness with POSITIVE TRUTHS! I also recommend listening to uplifting podcasts or teachings when you go to sleep. FEED your psyche POSITIVE TRUTHS, and pretty soon you’ll “default” to positive things naturally.

·      Learn to Transform Criticism into Positive Feedback – Nobody really LIKES criticism. Somehow, we often think that means we are inadequate or unequal to a task but in truth, it’s impossible to avoid criticism at some point in your life. How we DEAL with it, though, is very controllable. Here are a few suggestions for transforming negative comments into Positive, Productive Feedback:

1.   Stop Before You Blurt! – BREATHE!!! If you know me, this is my answer to MANY of life’s challenges…BREATHE! Hey, maybe you need to breathe a FEW times but give yourself a little time to calm down and not REACT but RESPOND.

2.   Seriously LISTEN to the Criticism – Again, don’t REACT out of anger or embarrassment, or pride. Listen and determine what you might be able to learn from what’s being said. Maybe you really NEEDED this criticism even if you didn’t WANT to hear it. Maybe there are other reasons for the criticism that you need to consider.

3.   What if YOU are Not What the Criticism is Really About – You need to always be aware that ALL the people around you have feelings and perspectives that are not necessarily the same as yours. Also, it’s very possible that the person doing the criticizing is really angry or frustrated at something or someone not even there but you happened to step into the wrong path. My Father-in-Law has always made it a point to be a good tipper but if someone is not lazy, but, obviously, having a terrible day, he gives them a ridiculously fat tip! He is NOT a wealthy man; he is a compassionate one, and he learned many years ago that sometimes the best “weapon” to bring to a fight is a hug. If another person yells at you or gives you an inappropriately curt response, maybe reach out and touch their shoulder to ask, “How are you doing today?” Simple kindness can go a LONG way toward healing hurt or damaged hearts, and it’s free.

4.   Respond or Release it – Regardless of the criticism or tirade, either engage with the person or take the critique and go about your business. However, IF you decide to respond, YOU be compassionate, professional, and balanced. Escalating the situation won’t serve ANYONE’S interests. There is great strength in being balanced.

·      If Something STILL Rubs You the Wrong Way, Strategize Ways to Deal with Those Occasions – Once again, I’m trying to get you plan a little ahead so that negative situations don’t sabotage positive ones. There are just times when things kind of “rub you the wrong way” or “get under your skin”. Maybe you’ve just had an “off” day, or maybe you don’t have the best experience with a certain person, OR maybe there’s a genuine problem remaining. If the circumstances are still uncomfortable or unsettled, try these ideas:

1.   Clear it Out – I used to get splinters as a child but I hated that my Daddy had to dig them out with a needle. He never HURT me but I continued to “anticipate” what COULD hurt. My Mother warned me to get it out or it would FESTER, and get infected. She was right, and that’s exactly why you can’t stifle your feelings entirely, either. They, too, will fester, and cause bigger problems, if left untended. Find someone you TRUST to keep things private and share your side of the situation; get THEIR opinion on YOUR opinion, so to speak. Sometimes just getting something off your chest is all you need but once you’ve aired your feelings, if your friend agrees that something more should be done, the two of you can try to work out a healthy solution.

2.   Strengthen Your Own Self-Esteem – There are 5 or 6 posts from last year on Building or Re-Building your self-esteem, and I recommend them to each of you. A healthy, positive self-esteem is NOT a big EGO; it is a strong, personal, INNER character that allows you to better interpret the world around you. Sometimes, if our self-esteem is “sagging”, criticism feels much more punitive than was intended.

3.   Invite a Referee – If, after all is said and done, you feel there remains a misconception about you or that the original “Critiquer” was in error, try to find a neural, unbiased person to mediate a discussion between the two parties. In this day and age of school shootings and road rage, making peace is never a bad idea. If another person is genuinely, mentally unstable, seek medical attention, but most of the time, there are merely misunderstandings, and going the extra mile to clear things up might just earn you a new ally and friend, and avert a potentially negative and less level-headed reaction.

·      Learn and Take Advantage of Visualization to Target Positive Goals – I’m a combination learner, which is to say that I can’t learn from JUST hearing information or JUST reading it. I need to HEAR it, SEE diagrams or music or written words, and, probably, take notes in order to ingest and process things. That’s why I’m including this step. People who know me well, KNOW I am the “List Queen”. I make lists of my lists but that HELPS me to feel productive. When I think about a particular GOAL, I need to “See” my success in my mind’s eye, so to speak. For example, these blog posts. I get frustrated with myself because my health is not great right now; I have WAY too much information bouncing around in my noggin but precious little time to download it all into a document. So, I’ve started writing the posts in “Series”. THIS Series is on building positivity into your life. I’ve done a Vocal Dictionary Series, and a Self-Esteem Series, to name a few. I visualize the group of posts and what all I want to include, and somehow, that makes the writing flow best. Maybe YOU need to SEE yourself sitting on a yacht off Kauai to visualize your retirement, or envision a marketing brochure of your dream company. Visualizing your goals in tangible ways motivates you to keep going, and will also, hopefully help you make a graduated plan for achieving success. This is another place where affirmations can be really helpful. Rather than focusing on why or how you might fail, enumerate reasons why you should and will break through. Believe in YOU!

·      FORGIVE YOURSELF WHEN YOU FAIL and Forgive Everyone Else Who Has Wronged You Previously – Years ago, Don Henley from “The Eagles” wrote an amazing song called “The Heart of the Matter”. Here’s a little of it:

“I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore…

There are people in your life
Who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby
'Cause life goes on

You keep carryin' that anger
It'll eat you up inside baby”

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9rTiDoUU3w)

I’m not sure when our parents stopped teaching us about forgiveness. Maybe you think forgiveness is a “religious” thing. I hope you’ll take my word for this, forgiveness is NOT a religious thing; it’s a soul-curing thing. Again, you’ll have to trust me on this but I KNOW a LOT about UNforgiveness, and I can PROMISE you NOTHING will weigh you down more, faster, or more permanently than holding unforgiveness in your heart against someone. There is NOTHING profitable about it, and IT DOESN’T HURT THE OTHER PERSON AT ALL; it only destroys YOU! Get rid of it! Think of it as MENTAL CANCER because it IS spiritual or psychological cancer as sure as I’m sitting here writing this. I can’t say ANYTHING positive about it; all I can advise you is to PURGE IT FROM YOUR LIFE! Choose to FORGIVE…yourself, your parents, a friend or co-worker, whomever! Slay the monkey of unforgiveness on your back, and set yourself free from all that negativity, guilt, shame, ugh, and all the other nasty feelings that come with it. Forgive, not forget, but then, the dealing with life is so much easier, too.

I love to think of healthy Quotes or, better yet, song lyrics to keep me looking up, living positively, and one of my favorites is a song from the Broadway Musical “Seesaw”. “It’s Not Where You Start, It’s Where You Finish; It's not how you go, it's how you land. A hundred to one shot, you call him a clutz.  Can outrun the favorite, all he needs is the guts.  Your final return will not diminish, and you can be the cream of the crop.  It's not where you start, it's where you finish, and you're gonna finish on top,” (Cy Coleman & Dorothy Fields). That’s what I’m talkin about! Rather than ASSUMING something bad is going to happen, BELIEVE things will have a POSITIVE outcome. Instead of feeling like you can’t do anything right or that no one can be trusted, have a little faith, and hold out the hope that you’ll do well. Remember “The Golden Rule” – Do unto others as you would have THEM do unto YOU. YOU be where the positive starts! YOU set the tone for an affirming exchange! Thanks for reading all this. I really hope and believe the results are going to make YOU a believer! THINK POSITIVE! SPEAK POSITIVE! LIVE POSITIVE! If you have ANY questions or comments, communicate with me below or contact me through information on my website at www.SingitForward.net. I count it a privilege to work with each of you. Smile! Have a GREAT day, and don’t forget to Sing it Forward!