Jokes for Musicians and Singers - Yay!



Old musicians never die, they just de-compose.
Questions and Answers
What is the definition of a mezzo soprano?
Just an alto with a soprano’s attitude..
What’s the difference between a singer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What’s the difference between a singer and a piranha?
The lipstick.
What’s the difference between a singer and a pit bull?
The jewelry.
How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape?
A: The baritone.
Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.
Person 2: Yes, but it’s much more terrible if he doesn’t realize it.
Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.
Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?
A: I don’t want the neighbors to think I’m employing corporal punishment, dear.
Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can’t get up that high.
What happens if you play country western music backwards?
A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

.Q: What did Mozart recently say to a noisy visitor?
A: "Shhhh! I'm decomposing!"

Q: How do you know if a singer is at the front door?
A: She can't find her key.

Operas that never made it
Britten: A Midsummer Nightmare.
Mozart: The Magic Tuba.
Puccini: La Bamba.
Rossini: The Plumber of Seville.
Verdi: Rigatoni.

C, E-flat and G go into a bar
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.


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