Self-Esteem Part 5: Dealing With Less-Than-Positive Attributes

Sometimes the best way to tackle a challenge is to come at it from a completely opposite direction.  Merriam-Webster defines joy as, “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires,” (“Joy”).   Try to define what brings joy to life, as well as what kills it or takes it away.  It is very important to be in touch with the things in life that are fulfilling, that cause feelings of happiness and positively construct a portrait of personality, physical, and emotional traits.  This is a really personal thing; the answer will not be the same for any two people and no one should feel pressure to rush this process.  Finding what brings one joy is so important because once the points are identified, it will be possible to reproduce those situations or places when nerves and anxiety are seeking to steal personal peace.

            A wonderful way to elicit joy is to serve others.  This does not necessarily mean anything drastic but could be as simple as smiling at every person throughout a day; stopping to help someone find or reach something in a grocery store; volunteering to play with a neighbor’s kids for an hour or walk their dog; or maybe, clean up an area in the house that’s been neglected or that would normally be outside personal purview.  “Random acts of kindness” have an amazing way of multiplying their benefits.  Obviously, they are beneficial to the recipients but amazingly, they cause the person doing the act to feel, not only, satisfaction for helping another person, but also that elusive joy that brings feelings of contentment and satisfaction.

            It is definitely helpful at this point for you to delineate those traits you feel make for a perfectly successful performer.  This is essential so that you have specific goals to work towards but it is also important because having come this far in the training, a person will also begin to realize that “perfection” is, not only, not real, it is also not necessary.  If this reality were something a person could simply be told so that an instant, “ah-ha” moment was always the result, nerves and anxiety would not be such a serious issue with performers.  No, this struggle requires deep introspection, meditation, honesty and openness, patience, and bravery.  However, the resulting foundational confidence and strength, is a vehicle that will carry the individual through any trial in the future.

            It is true that no two people will solve the challenge of nerves and anxiety in the same ways.  However, there are a number of extremely helpful steps to guide any individual on a positive path toward success.  Once again, it is necessary to remember that a mild amount of nerves is totally normal.  What is not routine is allowing something that is, in fact, not really dangerous, to overpower one’s life.  Like most of the other aspects of this program, the basic steps for overcoming nerves are basically methods for strengthening and encouraging oneself but also finding ways to provide enough time, space, and energy to work through any and all emotions being experienced.  People can banter back and forth about the concept of self-esteem but in the end, it comes down to, not only, becoming fully acquainted with all the aspects of the individual personality, likes and dislikes, tastes, fears, and dreams but being at peace with all those attributes.  It’s not necessary that these are a personal choice; it is only imperative that a conscious choice is made to see those traits in a positive light.  Other ideas for achieving positive self-image include:

1.     Deep breathing – Any person who walks around, converses, and does daily activities, breathes using their diaphragm.  There is, physically, no other way to draw breath.  The conundrum is learning to breathe more deeply and utilize that for singing.  The first suggestion is to slow down breathing.  When a person takes multiple short breaths, the end result can actually be a deficiency of Oxygen, which then causes the person to take even more breaths. Yawning opens the vocal canal, initiates the diaphragm, and allows air to flow into the deepest recesses of the lungs.  In order to utilize this deep breathing routinely, a person must begin by lying prone (with the knees bent to avoid extra pressure on the lower back); place a couple of medium-heavy books on the stomach area, just below the ribcage; and breathe normally.  The books should rise with each inhalation and the chest should remain still.  If the stomach does not rise, then the person must focus his/her energy on the stomach muscles, to cause the books to rise.  Once this is comfortably accomplished for several minutes, the person should stand carefully, without the books, and see if they don’t continue to “feel” the books, so that he/she is aware of breathing using those same abdominal muscles.  This is called muscle memory.  If, upon rising, breathing reverts back to a shallower, chest breathing, return to the prone position and continue practicing the deep, diaphragmatic breathing.  This should be practiced for a number of minutes daily.  The goal is to incorporate deep, diaphragmatic breathing into the normal fabric of daily life.  This deep, slow, controlled breathing will bring greater overall health, as well as aiding a performer with pitch, tone, and overall vocal control.

2.     Aerobic exercise five days a week – Though many don’t realize this fact, in order to sing well, aerobic exercise should become a routine part of life.  The normal resting heart beat for children over ten, up to age sixty, is between 50 and 100 beats per minute but the target heart rate is only 50% to 85% of that number, (“Target Heart Rates”).  Aerobic exercise forces the body systems to work more efficiently.  This is especially true of the lungs.  To perform aerobic exercise, the body/lungs must breathe deeper, which supplies added fuel/support for the singer.  This allows for improved pitch, phrasing, and overall control.

3.     Eat healthy – Performers cannot afford to get sick.  Obviously, that is impossible, as everyone gets sick occasionally.  It is necessary to adopt a diet with a fresh, natural approach, containing vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and proteins.  It probably sounds trite but this is another crucial, foundational support for building strong health.  It’s wise to even supplement the diet with a multi-vitamin and/or immune system builders, such as antioxidants.  Eight to ten hours before an audition or a performance, singers should follow the MEOW diet.  This means no milk or dairy; no eggs; no orange juice or citrus; and no wheat.  These are all mucus producers and therefore, not eating them, will keep mucus from building up on the vocal folds, and allow a clearer, more worry-free performance.

4.     Get a minimum of eight hours of sleep each and every night – Different individuals need varying amounts of sleep to function efficiently.  However, for singers, a minimum of eight hours per night is mandatory.  Because the vocal folds are not only utilized for vocal production but protect an individual from choking by sealing off the airway, as well as handling the movement of air to the lungs, sleep is pivotal to providing the body time and energy for replenishing itself.  This is one of the reasons that people tend to grow hoarse or lose their voice quickly whenever they don’t get sufficient rest.

5.     Laugh as often and as much as possible – Laughter is a great way to relieve stress and excess energy.  It is soothing to the spirit and lifts general demeanor.  A favorite television sit-com or good film comedy can go a long way towards calming or balancing a person’s disposition.  This is a very important step to always keep in the mix.

6.     Take time to learn how to pray and/or meditate – Contemporary life moves at a rapid, often stressful pace.  Meditation, prayer, and introspection, sadly, require practice.  Deep, slow breathing; a quiet, comfortable environment; isolation (if only sitting alone in a bathroom or closet) or, at least, privacy; and an idea to focus on, meditate about, or pray towards; these are the ingredients for beginning a time of introspection and meditation.  An intimate, regularly-scheduled, alone time, is refreshing to the spirit, helps focus the mind, and even revives the body physically. 

7.     Don’t drink alcohol and/or severely limit caffeine intake – Hydration is incredibly important for singers and performers in general.  However, both alcohol and caffeine are extremely drying, which directly affects the vocal folds themselves in a negative way.  As a vocalist, treatment of the throat and vocal mechanism must become a high priority.

8.     In stressful situations, count to 10 and do it again – Many circumstances in life are overwhelming in the moment.  A pop quiz; an audition; labor and delivery; or having an MRI or dental work; in any case, nerves are nerves and in the heat of the situation, they are equally disorienting and upsetting.  There is a very simple solution; count to ten.  It sounds too easy but it is incredibly effective.  Counting slowly from one to ten and breathing deeply, can significantly increase calm, lower anxiety, and bring balance to the scenario.  If necessary, this activity can be repeated as many times as needed, until control is restored and the ability to sing or articulate is reestablished.

9.     Set a long-term goal made up of short-term, realistic goals that can be seen and measured – Anything new can look scary.  Sadly, what people don’t know, they frequently fear.  The trick is to de-mystify the problem by breaking it up into manageable, doable parts. Then, working with a mentor, teacher, or other informed friend, the individual must break down and list all the items necessary to accomplish the long-term goal.  Each of these steps/bites is written and crossed off when completed.

10.   Be patient with yourself and advance slowly but surely – There is no such thing as human perfection.  It is impossible to perform perfectly at an audition or, for that matter, to ever sing perfectly.  Being a perfectionist has no place in performance.  In fact, it is actually imperfections that create the greatest artists.  This does not mean parading weaknesses and defects.  It means making the most of positive attributes and allowing foibles to color a performance, to distinguish their artistry from everyone else’s.  This may take time.  If a person believes his or her characteristics to be less than acceptable or worse, the first challenge is to reverse that opinion.  Follow the example mentioned earlier of Winston Churchill or even Hollywood film stars with physical deformities, such as Megan Fox’s club thumb or Black Sabbath founder and lead guitarist Tony Iommi’s severely injured hand, which required him to invent a whole new style of guitar playing.  “Flaws” are truly in the eye of the beholder; if a performer doesn’t focus on them, they need not be flaws at all.  Eat your elephant one step at a time.

You have AMAZING characteristics, talents, and opportunities.  Please contact me for MORE materials, resources, and worksheets to help you along your journey.  Check out my website at SingitForward.net and/or write comments and questions down below.  I look forward to hearing from each of you.  Thank you so much for reading!  Sing it Forward!