Jokes for Musicians and Singers - Yay!



Old musicians never die, they just de-compose.
Questions and Answers
What is the definition of a mezzo soprano?
Just an alto with a soprano’s attitude..
What’s the difference between a singer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What’s the difference between a singer and a piranha?
The lipstick.
What’s the difference between a singer and a pit bull?
The jewelry.
How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape?
A: The baritone.
Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.
Person 2: Yes, but it’s much more terrible if he doesn’t realize it.
Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.
Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?
A: I don’t want the neighbors to think I’m employing corporal punishment, dear.
Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can’t get up that high.
What happens if you play country western music backwards?
A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

.Q: What did Mozart recently say to a noisy visitor?
A: "Shhhh! I'm decomposing!"

Q: How do you know if a singer is at the front door?
A: She can't find her key.

Operas that never made it
Britten: A Midsummer Nightmare.
Mozart: The Magic Tuba.
Puccini: La Bamba.
Rossini: The Plumber of Seville.
Verdi: Rigatoni.

C, E-flat and G go into a bar
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Basic Music Theory - 1st Post - Notes, Rests, and Note Particulars

Image
          It is really important for a singer, even an amazingly gifted singer, to understand basic Music Theory.    That doesn’t mean you have to be any kind of virtuoso or study music theory for dozens of years but it does mean you need to study some fundamental or elemental aspects of theoretical concepts.   Your first “basic” lesson is below.   Stay tuned for more “installments” in the future.   Here goes: •             NOTES AND RESTS - Melodies in music are represented through patterns of “Notes” and “Rests”.   Here is a chart of the most common types of Notes and Rests: The Quarter Note is, by far, the most common type of Note and Rest but each of these notes and rests are important, universal, and frequently-occurring.   You DO need to know, however, that the values you see here CAN change, depending on the Time Signature (s...
Read more

Vocal Quirks - Why do I Sometimes Yawn, Hiccup, Burp, or Crack?

When we begin singing, sometimes the very strangest things can happen. You may start yawning or burping or getting the hiccups or even hear your voice crack.   Why do these things happen, especially when you first begin singing?   Let’s explore some ideas…             Why Would Singing Make Me Yawn?   So, it’s true confession time.   I have always been told and believed that we yawn because our brains tell our lungs we need more Oxygen and so, initiate a deeper inhalation.   The yawn DOES cause a deeper breath and it IS a great way to practice deeper, voluntary breathing.   However, evidently the REAL reason we yawn is still for the brain but it is actually a “thermoregulating device”, which is to say the swift intake of air acts to normalize the temperature of your brain in the same way you might use a fan to automatically come on in your garage, if the temperature reaches a cer...
Read more

Basic Music Theory - #3 - Rhythms and Putting it All Together

Image
So, here is the last installment in this beginning set of Music Theory posts.   I know I’ve covered an awful lot in these last 3 posts but I promise you, if you’ll devote a little consistent time to learning it, the benefits you’ll receive will far outweigh your small time investment.   These key components of Music Theory make up the essential underpinnings of composed music.   The next set of Music Theory posts will cover different types of Chords, Scales, and Chord Progressions but until then, enjoy these amazing pillars of Music Theory and send me any questions you still have once you’re done.   Here you go: •             RHYTHMS AND TEMPOS - I try to explain the “Beat” of music or the “Rhythm” like our own heartbeat.   It is a regular, constant “pulse” (literally).   Most of the time this “Beat” or “Pulse” is what you dance to, tap your foot to, or clap along with. ...
Read more